[While Lan Xichen arranges himself and recovers from his surprise nap, A-Zhan races along Grace's wings, jumping from the backs and to her shoulders again as it apparently celebrates its other companion rising from the dead.]
Heavy. I apologize. I didn't mean to spend my time here sleeping. Ah-
[As he gets up and brushes down his robes, he realizes the squirrel is running all over Grace like it owns her.]
A-Zhan, what are you doing? Stop that.
[He goes over to the table and puts out his hand and the little squirrel leaps and glides over to him, spinning around in his palm a few times before settling in to groom itself. Lan Xichen sighs with soft resignation.]
I think he is bored because I have been busy lately. He's acting out.
As long as he was behaving. Running around like that inside is impolite, A-Zhan. Be a good boy.
[His scolding is really light no matter what he says and the squirrel just keeps grooming itself, oblivious to any sort of lesson being imparted from above.]
Ah, am I not doing well? I really was just tired...
[ Grace just smiles and politely doesn't mention that if he was tired enough to fall asleep sitting up, there is probably an issue somewhere. Undoubtedly he doesn't need her to point it out. ]
Blanket request. I would just hate to see you run yourself into the ground. [ She pauses and then laughs softly. ] Not that you aren't always welcome here.
[That is definitely a worrying thought. He doesn't want to cause anyone trouble, and being exhausted to the point of injury certainly doesn't help anyone else. Lan Xichen sets A-Zhan on his shoulder and goes to sit back at the table near Grace.]
[ She blinks and finds herself straightening a little, an instinctive response to the sudden change in tone. Grace studies him for a moment, searching, before her expression goes a bit wry. ]
That would be hard to quantify. [ They've never actually discussed this, have they? Somehow it just hasn't come up. Grace takes a breath, but in the end it's not all that difficult. ] I've done a number of truly terrible things in my time.
You do not have to answer. I'm asking because I wish to know how you can tell if they were worth it.
[Which is still a complicated and difficult question, Xichen.]
Until recently, I have always had clear lines with which to tell what actions were worthy and what ones were too much. If nothing else, motivation at least could tell someone's true character. But... the world is not that simple, is it?
[ She shakes her head, wings spreading just a little as if to make themselves known. ]
I am a fiend, Zewu-jun. A succubus. And for a long time I was content in that, until I decided I wanted more than just evil for the sake of evil.
[ The story is more complex than that, of course, but that isn't the main point. She'd never questioned morality, until she did.
And she can't help her voice softening slightly in response to his entreaty. ] It isn't. You can do terrible things for good reasons and good things for terrible ones. One of the best men I've ever known was also one of the worst. I think...
I think you have to decide where your own lines are drawn. What you define as worthy or not.
[It should have been obvious from the start, with her appearance being distinctly more than human and the hints that lived in her descriptions of her life previous. Even her companions were something of a clue, but Lan Xichen hadn't questioned them.]
You don't look like a fiend. You never looked evil to me.
[Which isn't really a statement about her appearance, but he knows it is too hard to pin down who is good or not by any means until something has already been done.]
I don't know if I can do it. Everything seems as thought it could be misused. How should I trust anything?
[ One side of her mouth tips up slightly. ] I chose this shape a while ago. Good thing I like it, as I seem to be stuck with it now.
[ She could have gone the extra step of hiding the wings, making herself look human entirely. She could have, and she hadn't. Grace has never been afraid to be clear about what she is. ]
What is it you don't know to trust? Others or yourself?
[ From anyone else, she might take it as flirting, or at least teasingly respond to it as such. From Lan Xichen, it just pulls her expression into a wider smile.
Grace braces her arms on the table, both to give him a thoughtful look and to take a second to put her thoughts in order. ]
If I may...I think you do. I think something is bringing you to second-guess yourself, but the core of what you know is still there. It can't be shaken loose so easily.
[He seems to sigh a little, letting go of a breath he doesn't know what to do with.]
Everything is confusing lately. What I should do and what I am putting everyone through. It seems that every step I take is the wrong one and someone else gets hurt.
[ For him? That one is hard, because if he's really, truly honest with himself, what Lan Xichen wants seems to conflict with everything. ]
I... would like everyone to be happy and at peace. Perhaps not close to each other, but satisfied enough that we can all live without fighting. It is... more difficult than it sounds.
[ Her eyebrows lift just a little at that decree, But Grace nods without comment. ]
The others, they don't trust your judgement in this case?
[ He's always seemed more than reasonable to her, but Grace is also very, very outside of whatever this situation is. And it sounds much too close and too painful for everyone involved. ]
I'm not certain that doesn't mean you can't come to some compromise.
[ That no one seems at all willing to even meet him halfway seems odd, but Grace will hold her tongue on that score. Lan Xichen has always seemed the sort to put his energy into making everyone else happy. ]
[ At least he knows one person who is willing to believe that compromise is possible. It may take time and it may be difficult, but it's nice to have one voice say they hope for the best. ]
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Heavy. I apologize. I didn't mean to spend my time here sleeping. Ah-
[As he gets up and brushes down his robes, he realizes the squirrel is running all over Grace like it owns her.]
A-Zhan, what are you doing? Stop that.
[He goes over to the table and puts out his hand and the little squirrel leaps and glides over to him, spinning around in his palm a few times before settling in to groom itself. Lan Xichen sighs with soft resignation.]
I think he is bored because I have been busy lately. He's acting out.
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It's alright. [ Which part? All of it, most likely. ] We've been keeping each other company. Zewu-jun..
[ She trails off as she shifts back upright, smile fading a little but still in place. It's a fond look, if a quiet one. ]
Take care of yourself, will you?
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[His scolding is really light no matter what he says and the squirrel just keeps grooming itself, oblivious to any sort of lesson being imparted from above.]
Ah, am I not doing well? I really was just tired...
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Blanket request. I would just hate to see you run yourself into the ground. [ She pauses and then laughs softly. ] Not that you aren't always welcome here.
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What is the worst thing you have ever done?
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That would be hard to quantify. [ They've never actually discussed this, have they? Somehow it just hasn't come up. Grace takes a breath, but in the end it's not all that difficult. ] I've done a number of truly terrible things in my time.
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[Which is still a complicated and difficult question, Xichen.]
Until recently, I have always had clear lines with which to tell what actions were worthy and what ones were too much. If nothing else, motivation at least could tell someone's true character. But... the world is not that simple, is it?
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[ She shakes her head, wings spreading just a little as if to make themselves known. ]
I am a fiend, Zewu-jun. A succubus. And for a long time I was content in that, until I decided I wanted more than just evil for the sake of evil.
[ The story is more complex than that, of course, but that isn't the main point. She'd never questioned morality, until she did.
And she can't help her voice softening slightly in response to his entreaty. ] It isn't. You can do terrible things for good reasons and good things for terrible ones. One of the best men I've ever known was also one of the worst. I think...
I think you have to decide where your own lines are drawn. What you define as worthy or not.
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You don't look like a fiend. You never looked evil to me.
[Which isn't really a statement about her appearance, but he knows it is too hard to pin down who is good or not by any means until something has already been done.]
I don't know if I can do it. Everything seems as thought it could be misused. How should I trust anything?
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[ She could have gone the extra step of hiding the wings, making herself look human entirely. She could have, and she hadn't. Grace has never been afraid to be clear about what she is. ]
What is it you don't know to trust? Others or yourself?
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Well, it isn't such a bad form.
[As for the question, well, he sighs a bit.]
Either. I am realizing how much I do not truly know of others or myself.
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Grace braces her arms on the table, both to give him a thoughtful look and to take a second to put her thoughts in order. ]
If I may...I think you do. I think something is bringing you to second-guess yourself, but the core of what you know is still there. It can't be shaken loose so easily.
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Perhaps I want it to be shaken. That would make the choice easier.
[ Except. ]
That is not who I am.
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[ She would like to think she knows him well enough by now to be very certain of that. ]
I won't say it isn't complicated. [ Grace herself being a prime example of that. ] But I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing.
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[He seems to sigh a little, letting go of a breath he doesn't know what to do with.]
Everything is confusing lately. What I should do and what I am putting everyone through. It seems that every step I take is the wrong one and someone else gets hurt.
I wonder if I am not truly worse than I believed.
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Irrespective of anyone else's thoughts or opinions, what would you consider to be the best outcome? For you, specifically.
[ It's a struggle sometimes, to get people to think selfishly even in the abstract. Part of her wonders if he can. ]
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I... would like everyone to be happy and at peace. Perhaps not close to each other, but satisfied enough that we can all live without fighting. It is... more difficult than it sounds.
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[ And not only because she trusts him implicitly. Even from what little he's said, it seems like emotions run high for everyone in this situation. ]
What do you think it would take to make that happen?
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But that is something I want to prevent at all costs.
[He sighs deeply.]
In fact, I want the opposite. And that is unforgivable.
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The others, they don't trust your judgement in this case?
[ He's always seemed more than reasonable to her, but Grace is also very, very outside of whatever this situation is. And it sounds much too close and too painful for everyone involved. ]
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[ He looks down with a soft smile that doesn't really hide or deny his guilt. ]
They have good reasons for their desire to remove such things from their lives, as I have for wanting to keep them.
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[ That no one seems at all willing to even meet him halfway seems odd, but Grace will hold her tongue on that score. Lan Xichen has always seemed the sort to put his energy into making everyone else happy. ]
I hope you can, in any case.
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[ At least he knows one person who is willing to believe that compromise is possible. It may take time and it may be difficult, but it's nice to have one voice say they hope for the best. ]
If there is a way, then I will find it.